“The way of man to God is universally the way of sacrifice.” One of seven characteristics shared by all religions, Friedrich Heiler (1892-1967)
The events of that first Good Friday shattered the faith of Jesus’ followers. To see Him brutally scourged, crowned with thorns, paraded through the streets, bearing a cross too heavy for him, falling, getting up again, people jeering and spitting, the mocking and cruelty of the soldiers as they nailed His hands and feet to the cross. Then the agony of death on the cross. Even the apostles, with the exception of John, could not bear to witness it.
If ever the mission and person of Jesus looked like a failure, this was that time.
Love and Grief
Mary, with all the love of a mother’s heart, stood valiantly at the foot of the cross, looking upon the tremendous suffering of Her Son and Savior. The words of Simeon must have reverberated in her pierced heart. Standing with her were John the Beloved, Mary Magdalene, and Mary the wife of Clopas (Jn 19:25). What must have been their grief as they watched Jesus suffer and die on the cross!
Then as now, the cross of Christ, linking heaven and earth, is the meeting place of suffering and love.
Some years ago, a young woman shared how giving her baby up for adoption shaped her view of grief: “At the heart of grief is tremendous love.”
It is fitting to ponder that sentiment this week, as we prepare to tenderly kiss the feet of the Crucified Jesus in the Good Friday liturgy.
The Life-Changing Power of Suffering
The suffering of people close to us or across the globe often pierces our hearts. But as psychiatrist Aaron Kheriaty reminds us, suffering is indeed a part of everyone’s life. Many suffer intense, hidden interior trials. In all of these types of suffering, it takes courage both to endure it or to accompany a loved one who is suffering. Dr. Kheriaty should know. For over 20 years, he has helped his patients recover from unimaginable evils, thus encountering intense forms of suffering. He shares a hopeful story that embodies how suffering can become a source of “courage, hope, and even beauty.” A young mother, Stephanie, was diagnosed with a deadly case of scleroderma. A part of her journey was to speak out against California’s assisted suicide law. As she faced her inevitable suffering and death, she talked about what she would miss, her worries, and fears. Through it all, she became a powerful witness to her friends and family—especially her children—what a grace-filled death looks like.
Like Dr. Kheriaty, most of us may try to embrace the suffering in our lives, believing it can strengthen us, make us more resilient–the virtues of perseverance and fortitude come strongly to mind–but these thoughts are not usually uppermost in our minds in the midst of our pain. For many, the idea of suffering appears inconsistent with happiness and human flourishing. These latter concepts have been studied extensively and promoted in recent years. With the focus on positive emotions and outcomes, there has been little talk of the place of suffering and negative emotions. Nonetheless, one paper from the Harvard Human Flourishing Program attempts to shed light on the essential role played by suffering.
In their 2022 paper, Wojciech Kaftanski and Jeffrey Hanson argue that meaning in life, suffering, and authenticity appear to be closely woven together.
Using Soren Kierkegaard's three stages of existence (esthetic, ethical, religious), the authors note that growth in these areas requires an expanding awareness of self and others that goes beyond the virtues of a good citizen. It must include a spiritual dimension to solidify one’s commitment to self and others:
Without the spiritual component, one is deprived of the full breadth of existence, because one is only limited to the temporal. The spiritual offers an extra motivation to commit to the project of one’s selfhood that avoids the perils of hyper-individualism.
Quoting Lynne McFall, Syracuse University professor of philosophy:
“A person of integrity is willing to bear the consequences of her convictions, even when this is difficult.” What McFall is calling here “a person of integrity” is someone who embraces the suffering that may well be unavoidable in the process of working out the self one strives to become.
These philosophical reflections about meaning and purpose in suffering are brought to life by Stephanie's poignant journey.
There are many kinds of suffering, including those that result from our fallen human nature, our frailties, and our sinfulness. Ultimately, suffering includes the inevitable limitations, pain, and sorrow in all of our relationships. At times, another painful reality is that we can be the source of hurt, pain, or suffering for others, even those we love.
St. Paul reminds us that there are two responses to our sins and failures (for which we grieve!):
“For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.”
—2 Corinthians 7:10
Isn’t this what Good Friday is about? In and through the redemptive suffering of Jesus, thankfully, our woundedness can be a path to wholeness. As poignantly described by Thornton Wilder:
“Without your wound where would your power be? It is your very remorse that makes your low voice tremble in the hearts of men. The very angels themselves cannot convince the blundering children of the earth as can one human being broken on the wheel of living. In love’s service only wounded soldiers can serve.”
—Thornton Wilder as quoted by David Brooks
For the Christian, by keeping his eyes fixed on the suffering of Jesus while embracing his own crosses, there is no failure. Or in the words of St. John Paul the Great:
We are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures. We are the sum of the Father's love for us and our real capacity to become the image of His Son.
—St. John Paul the Great on Toronto World Youth Day 2002
May your sufferings, whatever they may be, show you the path to your authentic self as you are transformed in Christ.
