25 July 2018
Feast of Saint James, Apostle
A School of Desire
On the feast of the great apostle James, the Church offers us a gospel in which James and John are reproached by the other disciples for having asked Jesus for the privilege of sitting at his left and right (Mt 20:20-28; cf Mk 10:35-45). There is much more to this gospel than just this reproach, so we should not allow ourselves to get blindsided by a black and white moralistic reading of this episode. Let us not forget that after this only James and John, together with Peter, are invited to accompany Jesus more closely into the Garden of Gethsemane. The other disciples who critique James and John are not permitted to come so close to Jesus in his moment of greatest need. Also recall that Jesus himself gives James and John a nickname, “Boanerges” or “Sons of Thunder” (Mark 3:17), perhaps because in their zeal, they do things like wanting to call down fire from heaven to destroy the villages that reject Jesus (Luke 9:54). Jesus does not let them call down that fire nor does he dismiss them but simply corrects them. In spite of all this, Jesus seems closer to them than to other disciples who appear much less inclined toward making such egregious “faux pas.”
Some people may pride themselves on not doing anything that requires a rebuke. But perhaps this might be because they do nothing at all. James and John, on the other hand, are willing to put themselves “out there.” They are willing to transparently share their desires with Jesus, whether it be calling down fire or sitting on either side of him. Because they submit these desires to his judgment and let them be formed by Jesus’s own desire, they learn from Jesus’s corrections so that over time they begin to desire as Jesus desires. What Jesus leads them through is a “school of desire.” Great zeal is an expression of great desire, but as Ignatius points out, our desires need to become properly ordered by grace (cf. Spiritual Exercises) so that our zeal can be formed by a proper knowledge of God’s ways (cf. Formula of the Institute). For the one who loves, a reproach can be helpful insofar as it helps the lover come to know the desire of the Beloved more profoundly. Then, the lover can better able conform his desire to that of the Beloved. Zeal can be tempered. But without zeal, there is nothing to temper. For the Christian who truly wishes to do Christ’s will, God can use the Spiritual Exercises—and life itself—as a “school of desire” through which the Christian learns through many reproaches to desire rightly and so prepare, if Jesus desires it, to be able to draw close to Jesus in his time of need.