11 August 2021
Memorial of Saint Clare, Virgin
Interpersonal conflict is complex, no matter the topic or the cause. We might be prone to deny two claims: first, we can avoid conflict by not mentioning what bothers us, and second, to think that someone has not been concerned by one of our actions. When we deny that things have bothered us, we risk not sharing who we are entirely with people who surround us in life. Individuals may feel like they are holding their discontent or frustration inside themselves until they reach a point when they cannot be silent any longer. For the latter case, the person is unaware of the feelings of others or is not able to admit one’s limitations. Our response can be defensiveness without first listening to the one who has dared to speak to us. Do you find yourself in one of these two categories?
If conflict is unavoidable, what does Jesus suggest to us that helps us give love like his while we are limited people? Jesus’ aim is for us to go to the context in which the truth might be more readily shared, and a person’s heart might be more easily transformed. Start with addressing the person directly. Our current understanding of power dynamics in specific contexts and personal history complicates this step, not making it an easy choice to do in all circumstances. The one-on-one conversation usually provides the best opportunity to be heard and to listen.
If there is a failure for the person to listen, then the person who believes there has been a fault is meant to include others. We often in the Church can miss this step to see a role for public accountability in a pastoral response to a situation. The goal is not to acquiesce to public pressure but to experience a genuine conversion. It is always to restore both parties to wholeness and to prevent further faults from occurring.
We as Christians are called to speak the truth in love (Eph 4:15). Wherever we feel the temptation to sacrifice one for the other, we have missed the mark. We have not loved a person fully by sharing only a partial truth. We might share the truth in a way that is divorced for any love of the person. A conflict is a difficult place of encounter, but it is one where we may come to know another “face to face” as God’s relationship with Moses was. Let us pray for the courage to speak and to listen so that conflict becomes a place of encounter with God as we dialogue with another