When St. Paul told the Ephesians to “be kind to one another”, it was within the context of Christian truth. Kindness and truth are better together. Indeed, as St. Ignatius Loyola said, “kindness unwedded to truth is not kindness, but deceit and vanity.” Let us flee from all deceit and vanity so as to cling to truth, charity and kindness. When our neighbor is “in error, he should be corrected with all kindness. If this does not suffice, all appropriate means should be used to bring him to a correct interpretation” (Spiritual Exercises, 22). Even if the appropriate means include an occasional severe word, we must, nevertheless, always “mingle severity with kindness” (Constitutions 423, 727), so that there is “no trace of bitterness among you, of passion, resentment, quarrelling, insulting talk, or spite of any kind” (Eph 4:31).
It can only be love, and love alone, that moves us to correct our neighbor. This is why people say count to ten when you’re angry. Will your criticisms really be free from bitterness and resentment? Is that e-mail you are about to send really free from spite of any kind? Maybe you should sleep on it, or get a friend to look it over before you hit send. When a motorist commits a blatant foul right before your eyes, do not give way to passionate quarrelling. Rather, ask for God’s help, now and every day, to “be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ” (Eph 4:32).